The X Files: Indiana Jones started off badly. I blinked during the first scene and missed Indy’s dismal entrance; the acting and even the set in this scene was terrible; the magical physics where a wooden box makes an enormous difference in a magnetic field were annoying; and who thought of this crazy crossover anyway? Where’s Mulder? I remember thinking to myself: “uh oh. You already paid for this”.

I told Elyn the plot line during one of our runs and she thought I was making it all up. Particularly the part about the refrigerator. A new meaning to nuclear winter, har har. Cough cough.

On the plus side, I got to practice saying “evil Russian doctor” a lot using my phony Ukranian accent. This is surprisingly hard. And fun.

I eventually did find this film entertaining enough. It got better, until the climactic scene, which was a big WTF for me. Let me get this straight… they want to give us a gift, but they don’t care if it melts our brains and sucks us into another dimension, and their gift is knowledge, but then they vanish in a boulder storm. Ok! We’ll write you a thank you note!

I think that, like Indy #2 and the latter two thirds of the Matrix, I will just have to pretend this out of the canon. It makes me a little sad.

Get Smart is also a retread.

In general I hate how old TV shows are turned into movies. I’d rather filmmaking dollars be spent on things I will enjoy, like Showgirls 2: The Revenge. Dear economists: please get to work on a theory for how the market can deliver the absence of a product. Yours truly, moviegoers.

Defying the general theory, this movie was not bad. I like Steve Carell, America’s everyman, and Dwayne Johnson, the newly renamed The Rock. Some of the action scenes in this were fun — better than a few pure action movies I could name. If you made me. Fans of the show might be a bit disappointed; the new Smart is a lot smarter than the old Smart.

Anyhow, it was a sweet, light soy sauce. I mean movie. Nice relief for a stressful day at work.